Month: April 2014
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Something I keep hearing, when it comes to dating and relationships, is that you project how you feel about yourself on to the person you end up dating. Or another way of putting it, you are only attracted to people who see you as you do or treat you the same way you treat yourself. Am I making sense?
I didn’t think this was true, thought I had my own control over things when it comes to men I’ve dated. But if I’m honest with myself. All my relationships and the few men I have dated, or been interested in, are to go by. Then I do not hold myself in very high regard.
Of course, every guy I have had any kind of feelings for or dated for a while (I have been engaged once) had something about their personality that I was attracted to. But I have come to realise, what they were like as a package, or some of the reasons I have given for breaking up with them, are the things I don’t like about myself.
Now I know that things are not black and white. There are all kinds of grey areas in between and many reasons why a relationship doesn’t work out. But off the top of my head I can think of a few examples of when this has happened:
The guy that never wanted to choose how we spent our time together which drove me crazy. But… I can be incredibly indecisive. So wouldn’t have a clue anyway.
The guy that saw my dieting as an inconvenience and so I didn’t feel supported. However, I constantly sabotage myself. How is that supporting my own efforts?
Those are only a couple of examples but on a general level I wonder. How am I going to meet someone who supports me if I don’t support myself.
Or find someone who has ambition and drive for their work when I feel so unmotivated with mine?
I do feel like if I’m going to start dating again all I am going to do is whinge. I need to, literally, sort my life out. Find who I am as a single woman and make some positive changes. I’ve already moved into a place to call home. Next step is getting back on the diet. Then the focus can shift to my career. The next time I go on a date, I want to be able to rave about the things I do. Talk with passion about things I love. Make it a no whinging zone. Well it’s something to aim for at least.
Fitness and exercise has never really been very high on my priorities. But I know that if i ever want to shift any weight diet alone is not going to cut it in the long term. So I have been trying to up my steps everyday, for starters at least. I have a built in pedometer on my phone to keep track of these. Now, I know the target we are all “meant” to aim for is 10,000 steps a day but I have a desk job which means I am on the phone for 7 hours a day, so it makes it hard to rank up those steps. I have set myself a target of 5,000 for now, to see how I get on. The results of the last week is below.
4 out of 7 days I have managed to go past my target, I’m pretty proud of myself. I just have to try and stick to it! I am trying to figure out what to do on days I might not be able to go out walking somewhere. I’m sorry, but I am going to be a fair weather walker!
On wet and windy days, I may do some weight and tone up exercising instead. I have been looking on the internet at different routines to follow. It might be a good way to stop me getting bored as well. I have tried the gym before, and I just could not get into it. I do still have the membership, I’m paid up til June, so I might go in a few times to give it a whirl, but that is a very big might.
I have said a lot of times that I am going to do exercise and get fit etc, but nothing has ever come of it. But my eating pattern is so messed up at the moment, I need something to stop me reaching for food when I’m not hungry. I know I am doing it because I am bored, and it’s not healthy!!
So I hope that I can stick with it and I start enjoying myself for this so I can finally start making big changes in my diet and health for the better. I got my 1.5 stone award for Slimming World in September, and haven’t got any since. This needs to change!!!
I think I’m getting old, I seem to spend more and more time thinking about the future. In November I will be turning 30 and I can’t help thinking about what I want to achieve out of life, what work I want to do, where I want to travel. The work part is the biggest thing for me at the moment. I would love to have a career that allows me to use my creative side more. This has come to various ideas of what I could do. One is that I could become a nail technician. I know that’s not exactly the most ambitious thing to want to be, but I do love my nails and doing nail art. I have been told I have a bit of an addiction when it comes to nail polish. So what if I have over 60 different colours and I’ve been told I have more than a local beauty place. It’s perfectly healthy!
Another career I have thought of, is taking my writing to a new level and actually try either writing stories (my mum has always said that I should write and illustrate children’s books) or maybe just write articles for magazines/websites.
I have also thought about becoming an Interior Designer. I love decorating. I have recently moved into a flat and would love to decorate it the way I’d like, but there are certain limits when it comes to renting. So for now I am just going to decorate with “stuff” rather than get the paint brush out. I am daydreaming about themes etc for my lounge as I type this in fact.
Whatever I decide to pursue, there is probably going to be some element of study going on. So I really have to make a decision, before I set myself down the wrong path. I know for sure, that I do not want to be working in a call centre for the rest of my life!
Yesterday evening I had a wedding reception to go out. After much deliberation I narrowed it down to 2 options.
Left hand outfit:
Dress: New Look inspire (bought at least 5 years ago)
Shoes: New Look
Cardigan: Unknown origin. Stolen from my mum years ago. But it’s still good!
Right had outfit:
Dress: Scarlett Johnson for Evans.
Shrug: New Look inspire
I decided to go with the lacy number in the end as I was only going to the evening reception and this looked more like an evening look to me. The dress originally came with a ribbon to go around the middle. But I felt that my trusty bit black belt gave it a bit of a better look.
The wedding reception was beautiful. Although it was over shadowed by my feet absolutely killing me! I rarely wear heels and decided to walk to the venue as it wasn’t that far away from where I live. What a mistake to make! I have now vowed never to wear heels a ever again. Standing at 5ft 10 in flats, I really don’t need the extra height anyway!
So I am going to get on a mission to find pretty flats for any night out I have in the future. But being a wide size 8 or in some cases (as with the shoes in the first outfit) size 9. It’s not going to be an easy task!
A whole week has passed since I moved into a flat all on my own, and so far it’s been pretty good! Apart from throwing a flat warming that only half the people decided to turn up, it’s been pretty good really!
I am settling in quite well to having my own space and not having to worry about what anyone else is doing. It probably sounds rather selfish of me, but if you lived with the people who I used to live with, you’d understand!!
I haven’t really got any exciting developments to report I’m afraid, which is rather rubbish for someone who is trying to write a blog. I will have to go out and have a few adventures so I have something to write about.
In other news…
I had a weight loss of 2lb this week at my Slimming World weigh in, only 100lb more to go!
This song “Sara Bareilles – Brave: http://youtu.be/QUQsqBqxoR4 ” is becoming a bit of a theme song for me. I need to be braver in a lot more aspects of life and be less worried about what people will say or think of me. I turn 30 this year and I have spent a loy of my adult life being scared or not confident enough to speak up for myself. From now on I am going to try and do that more.
I also want to be braver in the choices that I make in my clothes, food, leisure time and work. I need to start making a lifr for myself rather than waiting for it to just happen. I really hope I have what it takes to actually make some changes in my life rather than just saying it.
I am going to start my trying at least one new recipe a month, more if I can manage it, and I’ll post it up here. I am going to keep looking online for new clothes ideas. If I haven’t got the money to buy it at the moment. I will pop it on my Pinterest for safe keeping. I am also going to try and go somewhere within my part of the uk that I either haven’t been to before or I haven’t been to for a long time. Saves doing the same thing all the time. This might be a once a month thing too. I will let you know how I get on with it all.