Dating: A Philosophy

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Something I keep hearing, when it comes to dating and relationships,  is that you project how you feel about yourself on to the person you end up dating. Or another way of putting it, you are only attracted to people who see you as you do or treat you the same way you treat yourself. Am I making sense?


I didn’t think this was true, thought I had my own control over things when it comes to men I’ve dated. But if I’m honest with myself. All my relationships and the few men I have dated, or been interested in, are to go by. Then I do not hold myself in very high regard.
Of course, every guy I have had any kind of feelings for or dated for a while (I have been engaged once) had something about their personality that I was attracted to. But I have come to realise, what they were like as a package, or some of the reasons I have given for breaking up with them, are the things I don’t like about myself.
Now I know that things are not black and white. There are all kinds of grey areas in between and many reasons why a relationship doesn’t work out. But off the top of my head I can think of a few examples of when this has happened:
The guy that never wanted to choose how we spent our time together which drove me crazy. But… I can be incredibly indecisive. So wouldn’t have a clue anyway.
The guy that saw my dieting as an inconvenience and so I didn’t feel supported. However, I constantly sabotage myself. How is that supporting my own efforts?
Those are only a couple of examples but on a general level I wonder. How am I going to meet someone who supports me if I don’t support myself.
Or find someone who has ambition and drive for their work when I feel so unmotivated with mine?
I do feel like if I’m going to start dating again all I am going to do is whinge. I need to, literally, sort my life out. Find who I am as a single woman and make some positive changes. I’ve already moved into a place to call home. Next step is getting back on the diet. Then the focus can shift to my career. The next time I go on a date, I want to be able to rave about the things I do. Talk with passion about things I love. Make it a no whinging zone. Well it’s something to aim for at least.

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