I am a faffer, procrastinator and all round dilly-dallyier. This must stop!
There seems to be a lot going on in my life right now (hence the blog not being updated much) and yet I am still spending time on stuff that is basically a waste of my time. I need to prioritise my time and what I do with it.
My main focus needs to be my diet. Making healthy food takes time and commitment and I need to do this more!
After that it needs to be exercise. I just got a new bike, which is awesome, and I need to make sure I go out on it when the weather is good. Yes I have to carry it down and up 2 flights of stairs. Bit this is essentially weight lifting and will help too!
Then my attention needs to turn to my arts and crafts. I really want to try and make this into a money earner. Even if it means that I go out less then it needs to happen.
What I definitely need to do is.spend less time wasting valuable time by going on twitbook when so much more time can be spent doing other things.
I will make the time to update my blog however, as this helps me process my thoughts. Yes, I know I could keep a journal or diary for the same end. But for some reason it is easier to do it on here. Plus it helps finds others that might be in a similar boat. It can also confirm/deny whether I’m going insane or not.
So right now I’m deleting Facebook, messenger and twitter from my phone. I don’t need them. They are just getting in the way!
Onwards to being more productive!
Something I keep hearing, when it comes to dating and relationships, is that you project how you feel about yourself on to the person you end up dating. Or another way of putting it, you are only attracted to people who see you as you do or treat you the same way you treat yourself. Am I making sense?
I didn’t think this was true, thought I had my own control over things when it comes to men I’ve dated. But if I’m honest with myself. All my relationships and the few men I have dated, or been interested in, are to go by. Then I do not hold myself in very high regard.
Of course, every guy I have had any kind of feelings for or dated for a while (I have been engaged once) had something about their personality that I was attracted to. But I have come to realise, what they were like as a package, or some of the reasons I have given for breaking up with them, are the things I don’t like about myself.
Now I know that things are not black and white. There are all kinds of grey areas in between and many reasons why a relationship doesn’t work out. But off the top of my head I can think of a few examples of when this has happened:
The guy that never wanted to choose how we spent our time together which drove me crazy. But… I can be incredibly indecisive. So wouldn’t have a clue anyway.
The guy that saw my dieting as an inconvenience and so I didn’t feel supported. However, I constantly sabotage myself. How is that supporting my own efforts?
Those are only a couple of examples but on a general level I wonder. How am I going to meet someone who supports me if I don’t support myself.
Or find someone who has ambition and drive for their work when I feel so unmotivated with mine?
I do feel like if I’m going to start dating again all I am going to do is whinge. I need to, literally, sort my life out. Find who I am as a single woman and make some positive changes. I’ve already moved into a place to call home. Next step is getting back on the diet. Then the focus can shift to my career. The next time I go on a date, I want to be able to rave about the things I do. Talk with passion about things I love. Make it a no whinging zone. Well it’s something to aim for at least.
I think I’m getting old, I seem to spend more and more time thinking about the future. In November I will be turning 30 and I can’t help thinking about what I want to achieve out of life, what work I want to do, where I want to travel. The work part is the biggest thing for me at the moment. I would love to have a career that allows me to use my creative side more. This has come to various ideas of what I could do. One is that I could become a nail technician. I know that’s not exactly the most ambitious thing to want to be, but I do love my nails and doing nail art. I have been told I have a bit of an addiction when it comes to nail polish. So what if I have over 60 different colours and I’ve been told I have more than a local beauty place. It’s perfectly healthy!
Another career I have thought of, is taking my writing to a new level and actually try either writing stories (my mum has always said that I should write and illustrate children’s books) or maybe just write articles for magazines/websites.
I have also thought about becoming an Interior Designer. I love decorating. I have recently moved into a flat and would love to decorate it the way I’d like, but there are certain limits when it comes to renting. So for now I am just going to decorate with “stuff” rather than get the paint brush out. I am daydreaming about themes etc for my lounge as I type this in fact.
Whatever I decide to pursue, there is probably going to be some element of study going on. So I really have to make a decision, before I set myself down the wrong path. I know for sure, that I do not want to be working in a call centre for the rest of my life!
This song “Sara Bareilles – Brave: http://youtu.be/QUQsqBqxoR4 ” is becoming a bit of a theme song for me. I need to be braver in a lot more aspects of life and be less worried about what people will say or think of me. I turn 30 this year and I have spent a loy of my adult life being scared or not confident enough to speak up for myself. From now on I am going to try and do that more.
I also want to be braver in the choices that I make in my clothes, food, leisure time and work. I need to start making a lifr for myself rather than waiting for it to just happen. I really hope I have what it takes to actually make some changes in my life rather than just saying it.
I am going to start my trying at least one new recipe a month, more if I can manage it, and I’ll post it up here. I am going to keep looking online for new clothes ideas. If I haven’t got the money to buy it at the moment. I will pop it on my Pinterest for safe keeping. I am also going to try and go somewhere within my part of the uk that I either haven’t been to before or I haven’t been to for a long time. Saves doing the same thing all the time. This might be a once a month thing too. I will let you know how I get on with it all.
So much has happened in the last couple of months. It’s been crazy when I think about it. But I’m hoping that all these changes will make a bigger and brighter future for myself.
So since in the last 6 months, this has happened:
• my boyfriend moved in with me
• my nan came out of hospital after being in there 4 months
• my brother was diagnosed with Gilbert’s Syndrome
• my boyfriend moved back out due to personal reasons rather than relationship ones
• We broke up due to many
• I found somewhere else to leave so I can move out of the house share I’m currently in
And just last week
• my Dad is rushed into hospital with suspected appendicitis. Although turned out to be something very different and minor
To say I’ve been through the wringer a bit lately is an understatement. In this time I have also been ill. All the result of being run down I’d imagine.
Of course some of the things that I have listed are good, especially the moving part. But they all come with their own stresses. I will be glad when the move is done and I can start leading my life the way I want.
I have regrets about how some things have happened and wish I could have done some things differently. But like my Mum always says. You can’t move forwards by looking backwards.
Well not quite… but it’s been a while since I last used this blog, and it’s about time that I started things up again!
A lot has changed since I last wrote a blog entry. I have loved and lost and lost 1.5 stone.
I ended a relationship and started going to a slimming world group (not in that order but it sounded better for writing purposes).
My outlook on life is slowly changing. This year i turn 30 and I have just now starting to feel more like a grown up. I have a lot less patience than I used to for some people. I am no longer just going to sit around and be the reliable one that just takes on everyone elses problems and not look after myself. So far, this is not getting me anywhere and I am refusing to be a doormat any longer. It may result in me losing some people from my life, but I think I will be happier for it. I don’t enjoy having my kind nature being taken advantage of and I am not going to let it happen any more.
I am moving home next week, I have been in a house share for 2 long years and it’s time to get my own space. Once I move it’s going to be a new start. Recently I have really not been sticking to the Slimming World plan. Especially in the last week. So next week I am going to start going to a new group, have a new flat with a kitchen I can get access to whenever I want so I have no excuse to not make myself nice, healthy meals. I am actually going to start using all the recipe books I’ve got, get myself right back on track. I need to as I’ve bought a dress in the next size down for a wedding I’m going to in a couple of weeks, and at this rate I won’t fit in it!!