I am a faffer, procrastinator and all round dilly-dallyier. This must stop!
There seems to be a lot going on in my life right now (hence the blog not being updated much) and yet I am still spending time on stuff that is basically a waste of my time. I need to prioritise my time and what I do with it.
My main focus needs to be my diet. Making healthy food takes time and commitment and I need to do this more!
After that it needs to be exercise. I just got a new bike, which is awesome, and I need to make sure I go out on it when the weather is good. Yes I have to carry it down and up 2 flights of stairs. Bit this is essentially weight lifting and will help too!
Then my attention needs to turn to my arts and crafts. I really want to try and make this into a money earner. Even if it means that I go out less then it needs to happen.
What I definitely need to do is.spend less time wasting valuable time by going on twitbook when so much more time can be spent doing other things.
I will make the time to update my blog however, as this helps me process my thoughts. Yes, I know I could keep a journal or diary for the same end. But for some reason it is easier to do it on here. Plus it helps finds others that might be in a similar boat. It can also confirm/deny whether I’m going insane or not.
So right now I’m deleting Facebook, messenger and twitter from my phone. I don’t need them. They are just getting in the way!
Onwards to being more productive!
Something I keep hearing, when it comes to dating and relationships, is that you project how you feel about yourself on to the person you end up dating. Or another way of putting it, you are only attracted to people who see you as you do or treat you the same way you treat yourself. Am I making sense?
I didn’t think this was true, thought I had my own control over things when it comes to men I’ve dated. But if I’m honest with myself. All my relationships and the few men I have dated, or been interested in, are to go by. Then I do not hold myself in very high regard.
Of course, every guy I have had any kind of feelings for or dated for a while (I have been engaged once) had something about their personality that I was attracted to. But I have come to realise, what they were like as a package, or some of the reasons I have given for breaking up with them, are the things I don’t like about myself.
Now I know that things are not black and white. There are all kinds of grey areas in between and many reasons why a relationship doesn’t work out. But off the top of my head I can think of a few examples of when this has happened:
The guy that never wanted to choose how we spent our time together which drove me crazy. But… I can be incredibly indecisive. So wouldn’t have a clue anyway.
The guy that saw my dieting as an inconvenience and so I didn’t feel supported. However, I constantly sabotage myself. How is that supporting my own efforts?
Those are only a couple of examples but on a general level I wonder. How am I going to meet someone who supports me if I don’t support myself.
Or find someone who has ambition and drive for their work when I feel so unmotivated with mine?
I do feel like if I’m going to start dating again all I am going to do is whinge. I need to, literally, sort my life out. Find who I am as a single woman and make some positive changes. I’ve already moved into a place to call home. Next step is getting back on the diet. Then the focus can shift to my career. The next time I go on a date, I want to be able to rave about the things I do. Talk with passion about things I love. Make it a no whinging zone. Well it’s something to aim for at least.
Fitness and exercise has never really been very high on my priorities. But I know that if i ever want to shift any weight diet alone is not going to cut it in the long term. So I have been trying to up my steps everyday, for starters at least. I have a built in pedometer on my phone to keep track of these. Now, I know the target we are all “meant” to aim for is 10,000 steps a day but I have a desk job which means I am on the phone for 7 hours a day, so it makes it hard to rank up those steps. I have set myself a target of 5,000 for now, to see how I get on. The results of the last week is below.
4 out of 7 days I have managed to go past my target, I’m pretty proud of myself. I just have to try and stick to it! I am trying to figure out what to do on days I might not be able to go out walking somewhere. I’m sorry, but I am going to be a fair weather walker!
On wet and windy days, I may do some weight and tone up exercising instead. I have been looking on the internet at different routines to follow. It might be a good way to stop me getting bored as well. I have tried the gym before, and I just could not get into it. I do still have the membership, I’m paid up til June, so I might go in a few times to give it a whirl, but that is a very big might.
I have said a lot of times that I am going to do exercise and get fit etc, but nothing has ever come of it. But my eating pattern is so messed up at the moment, I need something to stop me reaching for food when I’m not hungry. I know I am doing it because I am bored, and it’s not healthy!!
So I hope that I can stick with it and I start enjoying myself for this so I can finally start making big changes in my diet and health for the better. I got my 1.5 stone award for Slimming World in September, and haven’t got any since. This needs to change!!!
A whole week has passed since I moved into a flat all on my own, and so far it’s been pretty good! Apart from throwing a flat warming that only half the people decided to turn up, it’s been pretty good really!
I am settling in quite well to having my own space and not having to worry about what anyone else is doing. It probably sounds rather selfish of me, but if you lived with the people who I used to live with, you’d understand!!
I haven’t really got any exciting developments to report I’m afraid, which is rather rubbish for someone who is trying to write a blog. I will have to go out and have a few adventures so I have something to write about.
In other news…
I had a weight loss of 2lb this week at my Slimming World weigh in, only 100lb more to go!
This song “Sara Bareilles – Brave: http://youtu.be/QUQsqBqxoR4 ” is becoming a bit of a theme song for me. I need to be braver in a lot more aspects of life and be less worried about what people will say or think of me. I turn 30 this year and I have spent a loy of my adult life being scared or not confident enough to speak up for myself. From now on I am going to try and do that more.
I also want to be braver in the choices that I make in my clothes, food, leisure time and work. I need to start making a lifr for myself rather than waiting for it to just happen. I really hope I have what it takes to actually make some changes in my life rather than just saying it.
I am going to start my trying at least one new recipe a month, more if I can manage it, and I’ll post it up here. I am going to keep looking online for new clothes ideas. If I haven’t got the money to buy it at the moment. I will pop it on my Pinterest for safe keeping. I am also going to try and go somewhere within my part of the uk that I either haven’t been to before or I haven’t been to for a long time. Saves doing the same thing all the time. This might be a once a month thing too. I will let you know how I get on with it all.
Firstly, let me start on a positive note. Over the last week, I managed to lose 2lb. I had been really trying, there were a few slip ups, but I did a couple of sessions of Zumba to try and even things out, and it seems to have worked.
However, today I have been really struggling. Well I was doing alright, I had a really good day with my food and only had 2.5 syns so far but still eat quite a bit. Unfortunately, I have had a massive craving for chocolate all afternoon. After work, I succumbed to this craving and bought some, and not just a little bit either. Right now I am feeling rather guilty about it to be honest.
I should have known that I would not be able to trust myself and not gone shopping in the first place, but it’s done now and it’s eaten. Now I will just have to try and do some damage control for the rest of the week.
I don’t know why I do it to myself, every so often I get this craving for things that just won’t go away. It’s probably an emotional thing, there are a lot of little things that have been bugging me of late. So it’s probably comfort eating of sorts. I just wish I could stop. I need something to help curb the cravings so I can keep to my diet a lot better. Otherwise I’m never going to get to the weight that I want!
I’m going to have to really think about this and try and figure it out, otherwise it can only get worse!
So after the blow out weekend I put 2.5 lb on, considering what I ate I’m not really surprised. However, I did have a feeling that it was going to be more than that. Silver linings and all that!
Unfortunately, it was more of the same the last weekend just gone. I allowed myself to be persuaded to have Pizza on Saturday night and it was another blow out meal on Sunday evening at the “in-laws”.
Unfortunately, all these catashtrophies little hiccups means that I am not getting into the habit of the food optimising. I think I really need to have a serious talk with my fella and really tell him how I feel about it all. If it does mean I have to not have meals at his for a while, then so be it.
Wednesday is my weigh day, so I’ll see what damage I have done. Although I have been doing a little more exercise this week, so hopefully that will counter act some of it.
Unfortunately, I have a few meals out planned over the next few days. I will try my best to make the best decisions I can and not go for the really bad things and hopefully everything will turn out fine!